Disputes with customers and clients are one of life's tiresome inevitabilities. It's impossible to please all the people all the time – but it is possible to do all you can to keep a customer.

Aside from anything else, it costs money to replace a customer. "Acquiring a new customer," says Harvard Business Review, "is anywhere from five to 25 times more expensive than retaining an existing one". You have to dazzle new buyers with expensive advertising, rather than simply keeping your base up to speed with new deals and offers. 

Mishandling disputes is a surefire way to lose yourself a customer. You're only human (as far as we know) so you can be forgiven for feeling frustrated or impatient when a customer comes at you with their grievances. But it's essential not to let these tiffs snowball into all-out war.

It's easier than ever for an unhappy customer to badmouth you online or, if they really get the bit between their teeth, file a small claims suit.

With that in mind, here are some tips for dealing with disputes – and maximising your chances of customer retention.

Keep your cool

You've had a bad day. You ran out of toothpaste and had to freshen up with a handful of wilting mint leaves. Then your hairdresser cancelled – they said they can't stand to look at you. And now somebody is attacking you for a transaction you didn't even handle.

In this situation, getting defensive or offensive is as natural as feeling melancholy when you discover that your favourite snack has been discontinued. But it's essential to moderate your feelings and speak to your customer calmly and – even more taxing – empathetically.

Cool heads and soft tones prevail. Ever seen a fight start on a night out? Chances are that both combatants were spoiling for it. It's rare for disputes to escalate if one person is keeping their cool.

Give your customer time and space to express their feelings. Thank them for making you aware of it. Then move on to the most important part – resolution.

Ask questions

Everybody loves a good listener, whether it's your friend, psychotherapist or priest. But just listening means that your dissatisfied customer is directing the conversation. You need to redirect tactfully but assertively.

Are they going off on a tangent? Your role is not to pick holes in what they're saying. It's to be a conversational traffic cop and redirect them with calm, neutral words.

One way to do this is through questions – but crucially, questions that are focused on this customer and this problem, right now. No one wants to be grilled by a bot or someone reading off an autocue. But if you can establish a sequence of events, including the remedies they've already tried, you stand a far better chance of managing the conversation and pushing it towards an amicable solution.

None of this means that you have to take abuse – and your company should have a policy with regard to abusive customers. But it does mean that you can let the customer vent their frustrations while staying calm, professional and focused.

Stay objective. Your personal opinions don't matter much. What matters is your professionalism and your dedication to resolving the issue.

Take responsibility

The worst case scenario is that the customer is being entirely unreasonable and blaming you for their own ineptitude. In most cases, however, there'll be some fault on both sides.

Either way, it's essential that you take responsibility. The bare minimum is to acknowledge that it's a problem and to express regret that they've had a bad experience with your company.

This is all-important if you want to keep a customer. An acknowledgement of fault and an apology show them that you're taking them seriously and not fobbing them off.

Once you've established that you played a part in their problem, you can talk them through the steps they can take to fix the issue. But if you end up locked in a blame game, you'll never get that far.

A similar tactic is to agree with the customer about something. It doesn't have to be big – it could just be that you agree that their experience was a negative one. But by bridging the gap in this way, you're more likely to cooperate on a solution.

Can the issue be resolved?

At this point in proceedings, you'll probably have a good sense of whether the issue is going to be resolved or not. Some people are stubborn and want the moon on a stick. Sometimes you have to give them time out to reflect on the issue rather than getting stuck in a conversational holding pattern.

If they outright refuse to be constructive, you're within your rights to set a time limit and even end the exchange. The exact timing of this will change from company to company, but the principle is the same.

If you do reach an agreement, make sure to repeat it. Check that you are in fact in agreement. Reiterate what you will do and by when.

Thank the customer – even if you'd rather slash their tyres. Their feedback can inform decision-making about branding, customer relations and more.

What if you reach an impasse?

If a dispute can't be resolved, mediation is strongly encouraged. And if you do find yourself in that situation, it can be advisable to seek guidance from a commercial mediation solicitor.

Their expertise and experience will help you keep your head in a stressful time. Yes, it costs money – but not as much as a reputation sullied by bad press will cost you in the long run.

Commercial mediation is a last-ditch resort that can usually be kept at bay by high-quality customer service. But if the unthinkable happens, you'll benefit from a solicitor who's got your back.

Looking for commercial mediation services? Our mediation solicitors act fast and effectively at a reasonable rate. Get in touch for a free, no-obligation consultation.